On Second Thought

Actual conversation at my house this week:

Me: “Can you show me how to do a proper, non-weight bearing squat?”

My Guy: “Why?”

That’s it. That was the conversation, because after that, it was an argument over whether or not your knees should extend beyond the tips of your toes during said squat.

They should not, thank you.

Now, there are only about two reasons I would want to learn how to do squats and their names are Eli and Jack, my grandsons. But the big questions are why, and why now? The answers are because I’m going to see them in three weeks and they’re young and I’m not; and procrastination.

It only dawned on me over the weekend that we would see them in less than a month, and it dawned on me during a FaceTime call because Eli was making me wheeze just watching him play, not to mention that Jackisthisclosetowalking. They are the perfect storm for total exhaustion.

I remember those days, and the haunted looks on their parents’ faces like there is legitimately not enough time left in life for them to catch up on their sleep with a side of what fresh hell is this?

Youth is not wasted on the young, this I believe. It’s why they have the babies and raise them. They can still take it, even though it doesn’t feel like it. I don’t think I could at this point, but I’ve already earned my stripes which is why I recognize the haunted look.

Another actual conversation at my house this week: My Guy: “If you’re

My Guy: “If you’re wanting to get into shape to chase the kids, you might try cardio.”

Me: “Bite your tongue.”

That was not the whole conversation because I continued to talk to no one in particular. I said to the ethers, “Man, I’ve got about 25 days. That’s doable-ish, maybe... Maybe not. Pinterest.”

No one in particular knew exactly what I meant. She lives in my head, she’s comfortable there and she got busy on Pinterest.

The only exercise I consistently get is yoga. I love to hike when it’s not too hot, too cold, too snaky or rainy, or otherwise inconvenient - about once a year. So it should surprise no one that I’m afraid of being asked to play marathon tag-you’reit sessions with a six-yearold for fear of collapsing and ruining the notion that I am not, in fact, an elite athlete or even have a passing relationship with fitness.

So I’m doing the squats without extending my knees beyond my toes and y’all, it’s hard.

I’m also doing isometric push-ups because nobody hates push-ups more than me and a Tyrannosaurus Rex hate push-ups and the isometric ones make me whine less than the real ones.

But hopefully that means I will have super stamina, speed and strength, and not Icy Hot and a knee brace. It could go either way, I’m not going to lie.

I’m four days in and I don’t have buns of steel or beach biceps; and I still get winded walking to the candy jar, but I have 21 days to make up for the last 365.

What are your plans to get ready for the holidays?