On Second Thought

Green light for more gratitude

Even though Thanksgiving is so last week, I have some more gratitude I want to talk about.

But I had to get permission. And the red tape involved in getting permission from family can be unimaginable.

If you know me well, I am a big green light person. I hate red lights, and almost everything they represent. But I have patiently waited on this red light because it was my daughter and sonin-law’s light and news, but they have finally given me the green light to express my biggest gratitude this year.

I am genuinely, deeply and over the moon grateful for the grandchild my daughter and son-in-law will be gifting us next year, which will make me and Bobby a Ya Ya and Poppa to the Second Power, as I like to imagine.

My daughter and her husband will be debuting their second work of art in March, and it got me to thinking about when I was in their position. Only I was much younger and more naive.

My daughter was born 34 years ago, and her brother two and a half years later. I remember when I was pregnant with him being very worried that I might not love him as much as I did her. Being a very young 23 year old mother, I couldn’t yet fathom having the capability to hold that kind of love - twice at the same time - in my heart. Of course, when my son was born I fell in love with him too, and found out that my heart has places I didn’t know existed.

Also, as a very young mother with no instruction manual I quickly went into survival mode and just tried to keep them alive while hoping to raise humans with beautiful hearts. Spoiler alert: I succeeded admirably despite my numerous and predictable failings.

I remember one time having the epiphany that I wouldn’t know if I had done a bad job until it was too late to do anything about it. It freaked me out, but taught me a lot of lessons about parenting in general - both mine and everyone else’s.

When my kids marvel at the awe and patience I have for my grandson, Eli, I can only tell them that my primary job is not to keep him alive like it is theirs. My primary job is to love him and that is an honor and a gift I have learned to not take for granted.

When Eli was born five and a half years ago, I truly thought my heart would burst. There is something uniquely magical about being there not to raise a human being, but only to love them. It’s why my children give me a pass on the woman they don’t recognize when I’m around him. They are about to get a double dose.

When the kids told us grandbaby number two was on the way I didn’t worry one minute I couldn’t find another place in my heart for the love of a baby. My son taught me that, and my grandson confirmed it.

In the midst of everything wrong in this world right now, I needed the reminder that every single person I mentioned here has the ability to bring me happiness, even if it is via FaceTime or still in the womb. These people bring me joy, and for that and so much more, I am especially grateful.

Congratulations to my beautiful daughter and sonin-law, and to our Eli, who is sure to be the best big brother ever.

Keep looking for the gratitutude, y’all, and keep speaking of it. It will see us through the days ahead.